


I Am Your Rose

by Cherrydragon26



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Canon Compliant, Discovering feelings and coming to hard decisions, F/F, Introspection, Kinda, Like some major plot points mentioned, Mild Spoilers, Roses, So if you haven't watched it all don't read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrydragon26/pseuds/Cherrydragon26
Summary: However, Himemiya was not aware of the impact she had on other people. She was only interested in the next master who wins her over in a duel. Because she was the Rose bride, she had to listen to his or her every command, and present him or her with an appropriate weapon for every other duel in the future. That was her goal. That was her mission. That was her future. Everything else was irrelevant. Because she is the Rose bride. And she will always be the Rose bride.
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena
Kudos: 27





	I Am Your Rose

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own these characters or the story, they belong to their respective authors.
> 
> There is going to be some mention of attemped suicide, incest and death. Nothing that wasn't tackled already in the series, but if you don't want to be reminded of it, then don't read.

Anthy Himemiya was considered an odd girl. Though she herself cared little for those things, the rumors and discussions about her never dimmed or stopped fully. After all she talked regularly to the student council, who were very popular and well respected in many circles around the school. There were wild theories and guesses that occupied the free time every student had in the school, about the reasons why that was so. Why was the student council so interested in her, Saionji especially? Why were they bothering with one silent, uninteresting, albeit very beautiful girl, that was almost like every other girl in this school? Other than her looks, she really didn't have anything else going for her, and that made her an enigma worth solving.

However, Himemiya was not aware of the impact she had on other people. She was only interested in the next master who wins her over in a duel. Because she was the Rose bride, she had to listen to his or her every command, and present him or her with an appropriate weapon for every other duel in the future. That was her goal. That was her mission. That was her future. Everything else was irrelevant. Because she is the Rose bride. And she will always be the Rose bride.

+++

Anthy has always liked roses. That is why even after everything, she still comes down to the gardens, and waters the roses almost every day. Or at least when she is free. Being a Rose bride is an all-day work after all. Living and serving Tenjou-sama was weird in the beginning. But that was not what surprised Himemiya most. The period of adjustment was sometimes easier, sometimes not, but in the end she always gets used to her new master, every time.

No, what surprised her was that Utena, even with her boyish clothes, and manner still seemed to get along with Chu-chu. And she seemed to like roses too. When Anthy was in the garden, tending to the roses, Utena would join her and just watch her. Watch her tend to them, water them, change the earth, the vase, her actions would not matter. Everything Himemiya did, seemed to be really interesting for Utena to watch. She would sniff the air, and sigh in either exasperation or relaxation, Anthy was never really sure which was true. Nevertheless it looked like her new master, would not forbid her year-long hobby, for which Anthy was grateful.

If Tenjou-sama told her she had to stop, the Rose bride would do it without question. Though the other part of her, the small part, that was fighting the losing side, would cry out over that injustice and rebel. She would be sad and hurting, but Anthy would not do anything against her master. She was the Rose bride after all. However the part of her, that was not the Rose bride (the Anhy Himemiya part), would be crying in despair.

+++

She slowly became comfortable with Tenjou-sama. They established a routine, that was working for both of them, and they respected it. Anthy even started calling Tenjou-sama by her name sometimes out loud, and the way Utena's face lit up at that, made Anthy a bit confused. Why would someone be so happy, at getting called by their first name? She still had no answer, and she filled that question somewhere deep, along with a lot of other question that appeared into her mind, concerning Utena Tenjou's behavior, that was pretty strange most of the time.

Although the weirdest encounter they ever had would most certainly be, when Anthy not even thinking about it, asked Utena to join her in taking care of the roses. The sheer surprise on Utena's face would be hilarious, if Anthy had to explain it to someone else. "Do you want me to help?" Utena asked uncertain, and it was Himemiya's turn to be surprised. Utena was rarely uncertain and nervous as she is now, and Anthy wondered why was her question making Utena feel and sound so unpleasant and unsure of herself. "Do you want to help me?" The dark-skinned girl asked, and Utena frowned, clearly not satisfied with the way Himemiya answered.

"It is not the question of what I want. I would be honored to help, but for some reason I always thought you liked to do this alone. Without anyone else, without interference. So that is why I never offered my help," Utena told her, making Anthy think really hard on her masters words. Did she want Utena to help her? To work alongside her? Utena was partially right. Caring for the roses is Himemiya's hobby, and until now she always did it alone. She sometimes used it, as an outlet for her feelings, or she did it when she was down or just plain bored. In a way it was her own private therapy and escape from reality. Did Anthy want Utena to join in her own solitude? To join in her work, that she always did meticulously alone, and without any help before?

Even without too much thinking, Anthy knew her answer. So without further ado, she told Utena what she thought of her own proposal. "Yes, I do want your help. I would appreciate it. If you are willing of course." There was not many things that shined as bright as Utena's smile that she gave Himemiya after her answer.

+++

The roses bloomed in spring, along with the beginning of the new school year. And Anthy was right there tending to the roses as always. Utena by her side. They mostly worked in silence, except when Utena started a conversation about anything and everything. At first Anthy found Utena's need for talking annoying, but after a while she got used to it. After all she was the Rose bride, she couldn't tell her master to shut up, just because it disrupted the tranquility of her own private space.

Which would both be rude and a bit hypocritical, because Himemiya was the one who invited Tenjou into her own personal bubble in the gardens. In the end, she got so used to Utena's presence, that when she wasn't there, the silence seemed jarring and bothered her more than ever before. None of her previous masters bothered her so, and wanted to know so much about her.

Anthy answered her every question truthfully, and expected Utena to become bored quickly, when she discovered how blank and empty the Rose bride actually was. (She sometimes got flashes of memories from long ago, when she was different, when her brother was different, when everything was different. From the times when she was a different person, when she had different goals, when she walked different paths. Now only fulfilling her role as a Rose bride was important. That is the only thing that was left to her).

However Utena showed her, yet again how wrong she was, and continued to pester her without stopping, without an end in sight. And Himemiya was not sure if she should be more afraid or excited about Utena's constant attention focusing on her alone.

+++

"Why do I get a white rose and the opponent gets the red one?" Utena asked the Rose bride one day, while they were both in the garden, digging through dirt and moving the flowers around. "That is the decided rule," Anthy answered, like she always did, hoping that will appease Utena. She should have known better.

"Who decided that?" Utena continued to question her, and Anthy obliged her master with an answer: "The End of the World." Tenjou now looked even more confused, so she continued to rapidly fire more questions in hopes of a clear answer. "Who is that? Or what is that?"

Anthy shrugged in answer and said: "I don't know." Tenjou seemed to think over that answer, and after a while, she piped up again with another question. "Does the color of the rose have any meaning?" Himemiya only smiled in answer to that question and didn't answer, continuing to take care of the flowers. However Utena not wanting to give up, pestered Anthy until they both had to go back to the dorm, and even there until she had fallen asleep. Anthy didn't answer her question and she had a small smile all throughout that time, that didn't leave her face until she had also fallen asleep, having a night without dreams and fears.

+++

Himemiya was laying on the couch, naked and sweaty, her brothers form near her, emitting warmth and safety. Even if she didn't feel those things concerning her brother anymore. The Rose bride scarcely felt anything these days, and she rarely had any wishes and demands from anyone around her. After all the Rose bride does what her master tells her, nothing more, nothing less.

She was silently watching his shoulders rise and fall, in harmony of his breathing while sleeping. Her brother rarely feel asleep after they had sex, but for some reason today he did. Which left Anthy some time to reflect on her situation. Deep down, she knew what she was doing with her brother was wrong, but both Anthy and Akio didn't care much about morals at this point. You wouldn't too, if you lived the life Anthy Himemiya did.

Though recently she noticed something changing. Her thought during sex, would sometimes turn to Utena and stay rutted there like a tree is rutted in the earth. Himemiya didn't see Akio while they had sex, she saw Utena, her silky hands, beautiful eyes, attractive form and her all around bright presence. Every time someone flirted with Utena, she felt jealous, felt angry, damn murderous. She started thinking of Utena as hers.

Which was quite frankly really dangerous. What if Utena lost? What if she got a new master? What if something changed? Himemiya knew this partnership cannot last, she knew this infatuation should be cut in the bud, and erased from existence. But after such a long time, Anthy never felt more alive than in this moment of her blissful life with Tenjou. She didn't want to stop feeling all these emotions even if it was for her master.

The fights inside her became harder and more brutal, but she didn't let it affect her. The Rose bride didn't show her emotions to anyone, but herself. After all these impure thought were forbidden, even if they were towards her master. (For whom she wished, she could be something else. Something more).

+++

They were both in each other arms, on the roof of the school, clinging close to one another. Himemiya was crying, trembling both because of the cold of the night, and because of the rush of emotions that she was going through. Utena was there, trying to shush her, to comfort her, to warm her up with her care and her gentle words. She touched Anthy's face softly, gingerly like she was expecting her to run away, or try to jump again. It seemed like the cold didn't bother her at all, and Tenjou's focus was solely on Himemiya and her breakdown that she was having. It was the first time Utena saw Anthy show so many feelings. It was the first time she felt like she was the real Anthy Himemiya under the Rose bride. It was the first time Himemiya actually seemed human. 

So Utena treasured this moment, and decided to never let go of Anthy, to not let her bear all this pain alone. Tenjou decided to support her, and help her through this rough times, Himemiya seemed to go through. That is why she tried to comfort her, to help her, even if she was not sure it actually helped. But right now, she didn't have any better ideas, so she stuck to this plan and held Anthy even tighter than before. "Don't worry it will be alright. Everything is fine, it's good, it's alright, it's fine..." And on and on it went, the flood of meaningless words that got out of her mouth in hopes of calming the situation, and Anthy's ragging emotions down. 

"It's all going to turn out alright, you will see my little rose," Utena promised, and found herself wondering why did she call Himemiya 'my little rose'. Deciding it was not so important now, she set that aside for later, and continued to comfort Anthy to the best of her abilities.

+++

The End of the World turned out to be Akio. And because of him and Utena the real end of the world happened. Anthy never thought anything would change, even with her growing feelings for Utena, and Tenjou's own stubbornness. But it did. It changed. Everything changed, and she herself felt different after waking up yet again in another world, in another dimension. She did not have to follow in her brothers footsteps anymore. She didn't have to be a Rose bride anymore. Himemiya didn't feel like it was her destiny anymore, her reason for living. She could choose now. Anthy could decide for herself, what she wants to be, what she wants to become.

She was not a Rose bride anymore. She was now Anthy Himemiya. And she planned to use this opportunity that Utena gave her to explore, to investigate, to discover herself, and where she wants her life to go from now on. She will not waste Utena's sacrifice. The dark-skinned girl will go out into the world, and find her own path, her own life. And she owes it all to Utena Tenjou. A student in Ohto Academy, a girl that wears a boys uniform. A girl who can wield a sword, even if she isn't a swordsman, who fights for what is right, who wants to become a prince, who has the ring, who likes Chu-chu and roses. Her master. Her friend. Her inspiration. Her love. Her treasure. Her white rose.

Utena was all those things to Himemiya and more. Anthy is not sure how much she meant to Utena, but right now that doesn't matter. If she ever meets her again, then she will find out. She will insert herself in Utena's life and see where it goes. In the end Himemiya can only hope, that she becomes the white rose, the knight in shining armour to Utena, like Utena was to her all along.


End file.
